My own birth story
In the few weeks running up to my 3rd December 2018 ‘due date,’ I had lots of Braxton Hicks, ‘fake contractions’ some of which were intense and pretty uncomfortable, especially in the car, and often with a feeling of needing a wee! I had loved doing my hypnobirthing course and was listening daily to my hypnobirthing scripts along with walking, gentle yoga and meditation too.
I was booked in for a 40 week sweep on 6th December. That day, I awoke in the early hours having not slept well, suffering with cramps like an intense period pain. The feeling disappeared and I went back to sleep. Around 7.30am, I woke up to intense contractions. I went to the toilet and lost my ‘mucus plug’. I felt slightly concerned because I was bleeding a little. Steven, my husband, put the TENS machine on me, I wasn’t keen on the sensation, but it was a good distraction. I couldn’t talk during my contractions, but I focussed on breathing through each one of them, and I felt excited, this was it… it was happening, and I couldn’t believe I was close to meeting our baby! We didn’t really time the contractions as we thought it was still early stages. We used the time to finish packing up the hospital bag, including snacks and drinks for energy during labour.
It was now 8.30am and my sweep was due at 9.40am at Chase Farm Hospital, which we happen to live next door to. I continued to breathe into my contractions, keeping as calm and relaxed as possible, held Steven and rolled on my exercise ball, I felt so calm and I was proud of myself and how calm I was. I was using the hypnobirthing techniques, keeping focused on my breathing, releasing and letting go.
Steven tried to feed me, but I couldn’t really manage to eat anything. I remember thinking if this is early stages, how will I cope later on when the contractions are even more intense!! They already felt so strong. But I was managing by moving around, leaning up against walls, using my ball, and breathing. Steven called Barnet triage and told them I was in labour, and asked what to do…. Should we still go to the sweep appointment at Chase Farm or stay at home until more active stages of labour?
From what Steven described, the midwife said it sounded like I wasn’t in labour. She asked to speak to me and asked how frequent the contractions were. We didn’t know exactly, but they felt pretty frequent, so I said every few minutes. She replied that I wasn’t in established labour as I could talk during contractions. The midwife was wrong - I could speak but only between contractions! We didn’t get a chance to say I was practising hypnobirthing before being told to continue as planned to the appointment.
Chase Farm Hospital is a 5 minute walk away. I couldn’t face getting in the car so we walked, which took half an hour because I kept stopping and having contractions, every few minutes along the way! holding Steven to ground me. All we had with us was a bottle of water and my maternity notes because we expected to be sent home after the sweep/appointment.
We finally arrived at the hospital about 10am (missed the appointment)! I was leaning on walls, breathing and just focusing on getting through each of the contractions, I really felt in a world of my own and very internally focused. I was surprisingly calm even though being in the hospital felt weird – lots of eyes on me! Steven ran into the ante-natal reception to tell them we’d arrived, what had happened so far, and our conversation with Barnet triage.
The very surprised midwives took one look at me and could tell that my labour was established. They hurried us into a standard appointment room, with a basic bed, no soft furnishings, like cushions or exercise balls…anything to help comfort me. Lots of people were fussing around me but telling me I was doing amazingly well and to just keep calm and keep doing what I was doing. I explained that I had lost my plug, but my waters hadn’t broken, so they checked the baby with a doppler and confirmed all was okay.
The midwives reassured us that they had an ambulance on standby, ready to take us to the Birth Centre at Barnet, where they were filling up a pool for me – which I thought was great. Then they checked how dilated I was. Steven remembers the nurses looking slightly shocked when they found out I was 6cm, because that meant I couldn’t go to Barnet, in case I had the baby in the ambulance en route. That meant I was going to give birth to the first baby at Chase Farm Hospital in 4 years – which is when they got rid of their maternity ward.
Feeling slightly derailed and then panicked that the placenta kit we were using for encapsulation was in the freezer at home. Steven asked if there was time for him to run home, get it and run back. They said yes…but be quick!!! So off he went. Circumstances could have caused my fear to kick in and adrenalin to take over, but I managed to keep in control and coming back into myself. A circus was happening around me, and I was in my own world, ready to meet my baby.
The midwives managed to source some biscuits and juice for me, but I spat the biscuit out as I couldn’t concentrate on eating. I was pressing on the boost button on the TENS machine for a distraction, rather than any pain relief. Then I overheard the midwives saying there was no pain relief for me and I thought, ‘oh fuck, I need to do this without any’. I didn’t let it send me in to a spiral, I concentrated on helping and supporting my body with my breath. I knew I had to trust my body, the baby was ready and coming and I had to just get on with it!
When I was 10cm dilated, I had a team of midwives, registrars and a consultant, paramedics in the corner and a worried looking hospital manager hovering by the door, all in all, there were about 10 people in the room!
Frances, the midwife who was constantly by my side was incredible, transmitting calm and reassuring me. We had seen her a few times for antenatal appointments and, during one of them, I said to her ‘I wish you still were at births; it would be amazing if you were at my birth.’ She was meant only to do antenatal appointments these days but, given the situation, it was all hands on deck in Chase Farm, with routine appointments cancelled so the midwives could assist in my labour.
During the labour, I was uncomfortable on the floor on all fours. Eventually, they found a cushion for me but the consultant told me I wasn’t pushing effectively in that position because my pubic bone was in the way and because my waters hadn’t broken and my bladder was full. Due to this, they asked if they could insert a catheter and empty my bladder. I had been keen not to have a catheter because I had a fear of them, but in the moment, I just went with it. When they broke my waters manually, I felt a huge gush of wetness – it wasn’t painful but it was definitely a strange sensation - Steven was more freaked out than me because he saw the weird looking implement they used.
I was now sat upright with legs spread and knees up. I wanted to be mobile and told the midwives but they wanted me to stay in that position because they said pushing was more effective. Looking back now, I wish I would have questioned them more, and been more assertive about wanting to moving around, as I think being in that position caused the second degree tear I had. Now the contractions had ramped up, it was hard and exhausting work, pushing, like running a marathon with all the midwives cheering me on! When they could see the head, everyone in the room was so excited, there was a real feeling of shared joy and anticipation in the room.
Then transition happened and I remember telling Steven, ‘I can’t get her head out…it feels impossible’. It felt like every time I pushed, she would go back in again – he held my hand, told me that I was amazing, and I could do this. I drew on reserves I didn’t even know I had, I kept going and, with what must have coincided with a rush of oxytocin, the head came at last. They asked me if I wanted to see, but I was so focused on getting her all out safe, I said no. With a last few pushes my baby girl was in the world.
It was an incredible experience…not one iota like my birth plan, but it was perfectly imperfect, and if I had to do it again the same, I would. Unfortunately, I didn’t get too much skin-on-skin time with Sienna as we had to be whisked to Barnet in the ambulance. Although I was holding her, totally full of love and overwhelm, but had to have my top on as we were going through the hospital and outside, as they didn’t have any vitamin K for Sienna at Chase Farm or the facilities to suture my second-degree tear.
Sienna was born just 2 hours after we arrived at the hospital, at 12.07pm, weighing 6lbs 11oz. Looking back and reflecting, I thought I didn’t even had time to use my hypnobirthing but it was so deeply in ingrained my subconscious from listening to hours of hypnobirthing audios, reading and, of course, taking the course with Dani, that I think it could have been a very different birth experience without it. My positive labour made me want to become a hypnobirthing instructor even more and to help empower women to have better and more confident births.
This is a day that I will never forget and I can’t wait to tell this incredible story to my daughter, Sienna one day.
